I have taken a two year vacation from this blog. Many many times I have thought, "I need to write that up in Parenting Points", but then I never got around to it. I am going to try again. Perhaps I will rethink of all those things and pass them on. Perhaps I won't. Who knows? Anyway, this is what has been on my mind for a few days now so I will pass it on to you all.
We, as parents, expect (or at least want) our children to pay attention to us when we ask for their attention. If we say, "Come here", we want them to go do it now not in 15 minutes. If we say, "come to dinner" we want them to stop what they are doing and come sit at the table. This is more then just obedience, this is common courtesy. But common courtesy is a two way road and often adults forget that in working with children. We expect their instant attention when we ask for it, but have a hard time reciprocating when they ask for ours. And even in our interaction with our spouses we sometimes fail to teach common courtesy by example. How will a child know how to act when what seems to be expected of them is at odds with the example their parents set? For instance: if a parent must always "finish the game" before they can leave the electronic device to do something their spouse or child asks, you can pretty well expect a child to not understand (and get very indignant about) being expected to leave in the middle of something to do the thing a parent wants them to do. The child has learned from observation that whatever is happening on the electronic device (or in the game, or with the toy) is more important than responding to another person. Common courtesy is paying attention to people; putting people first; responding to and thus acknowledging them. Don't let things appear to be more important than people. At least acknowledge the request and give a time frame for when it will be addressed. Adults expect it of each other, but sometimes spouses fail to practice it with each other and children see that. Adults also very often fail to practice it with children because they do not see that the child's concern is really of any consequence. This may be the case, but not to the child. And if we continually fail to give children the common courtesy of attention when asked we can only expect that they will follow our example and fail to give it to us.
Children will do what they see their parents do. If you expect them to stop what they are doing and come, then let them see you stopping what you are doing and coming. When they ask for your attention, give it to them right then or give them a valid reason why you can't and a time frame when you will. If your spouse asks for your attention, give it then. On the other hand, it also needs to be taught that your requests cannot be frivolous. Be sure that if you request attention that there is a reason for it and, again by example, it will help your kids understand the difference.
Teaching courtesy has always been a challenge but today's world presents even a greater challenge in the form of electronic gadgets. Too often I have seen someone too involved in a computer, tablet, smart phone etc, to pay attention to someone else. (And I am very guilty of this myself) Every time this happens, that person is essentially telling the other person that the electronic whatever is more important then they are. It is a terrible of breach of common courtesy and our children fail to learn something that will benefit them the rest of their lives - common courtesy.
Adventures while the big kids were at FSY
3 years ago
