Nov. 17,2010 - NEVER SAY "N0" IF YOU CAN POSSIBLY SAY "YES"

Leslie is preparing a Sacrament Meeting talk and called and asked me about this thought which she has heard me say before. "In raising children, my mother taught me to never say "no" to a child without a reason". I always thought she meant that sometimes we say "no" just out of convenience or without even hearing the child out. Thus, before we say "no" we should know, ourselves, why we are saying "no". If there is a valid reason then of course we say "no" and we don't necessarily even have to explain our reason to the child - they often won't understand or agree with the reason anyway and it will just invite argument. But if we find that we are saying "no" just because it wasn't our idea, or because we just don't want to be bothered, maybe that is not a good enough reason to say "no". In other words, don't let "no" be your automatic answer. Think before you say "no". Don't say "no" without a reason.
Then, when I was reading the book Glimpses into the Life and heart of Marjaorie Pay Hinckley I found a very similar thought. Here is what she said:
"My mother taught me some basic philosophies of rearing children. One is that you have to trust children. I tried hard never to say "no" if I could possibly say "yes." I think that worked well because it gave my children the feeling that I trusted them and they were responsible to do the best they could." (from Glimpses into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley, page 55)
Her advice is very similar to my mother's. Either way, I think it is a good child rearing philosophy.
I did try to keep this in mind when raising my children.