November 13, 2009 - EXAMPLE

Your relationship with your spouse will set the tone for your relationship with your children. If you fight and quarrel with your spouse, your children will automatically have permission to fight and quarrel with you. If you engage in name calling or sulking, so will your kids. If you say sarcastic things to or about your spouse you can expect your children, specially when they are teenagers, to say sarcastic things to or about their parents. If however, you show respect for each other, your children will learn that they likewise should show respect for you, their parents. If they hear only kind things said they will learn that only kind things should be said. That doesn't mean that they won't push the boundaries and try to quarrel or sulk but it does mean they will have learned respect and kindness. It will take your direction and reminders to help them overcome the natural inclinations to self centered fighting and sulking and replace them with the proper behavior you have modeled for them. Also, if you slip up, you can apologize and show how to make it right. However, when you apologize do not let them believe that an apology from you justifies their bad behavior. They also need to learn to aploligize and try to make it right when they slip up. Remember, it is nigh impossible to teach what you are not living yourself or expect behavior from your children that you are not willing to strive for yourself.